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There’s no denying that looks find you attractive is to understand that being fat isn’t a cut and dry issue. Some people can lose weight without barely trying while others can exercise and diet until their eyes bleed and barely see the scale shift.

Weight in the US is a loaded subject; society often equates being heavy with being lazy and/or weak-willed. As we’ve been learning over the years, weight gain and loss is more complicated than a simple issue of “calories ingested look as good as skinny feels?

A low-carb diet might help you lose weight, but it’s not going to change your underlying frame; if you’re naturally compact and dense, then you’re not going to jog that away. I inherited the O’Malley shoulders and I’m naturally barrel-chested; no amount of dieting or jogging is going to make that smaller.

I’m always going to look more like a beer keg than Henry Cavill no matter what I do or don’t eat.

Being fat is treated as a referendum on your worth as a person – people see it as an implication that you’re only fat because you simply don’t want to change badly enough. The societal disdain for heavyset people is so ingrained that even people who are fat feel ashamed about who they are and that they have to apologize for some personal flaw that leaves them with the mark of Canes when the truth about obesity is as much about external factors as it is about food consumption.

After all, if they’d just apply themselves, fat people could lose weight easily! Over the years, we have been discovering that there are innumerable other factors that affect body fat accumulation and weight gain.

Once you accept your shape, then you can work within it.

Too many people who are concerned about their weight try to dress to conceal it, usually wearing clothes that are too big and loose.

But being large and in charge doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to a life of being forever alone; in fact, you may find that you have far more options for finding love, sex and happiness than you’d ever believe possible. There are plenty of notable examples out there if you look around. Seth Rogan is no Abercrombie and Fitch model but he’s also happily married.

Every once in a while, I like to poll my readers on the Nerd Love Facebook Page and on Twitter to find out what issues they feel are holding them back when it comes to dating.

And the most common answer is: “I worry that I’m too fat to date.” I’ll be honest: I’m not surprised. According to the Center for Disease Control, 69% of adults 20 years old and over are overweight and 35% are considered obese.

Take, for example, this image from a feature in the UK periodical The Sun; they flipped the script by posing ordinary men in underwear ads a la David Beckham or Christiano Ronaldo: women prefer large and burly even when society insists that they only like guys who look like they’re 3% body fat.

More importantly though, it’s important to remember that attraction is about more than just looks – it’s about personality, presence and what you bring to the table.

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